September 6, 2008
East Echo Park Center of Arts and Leisure, mid-afternoon, backyard, drinking COLD beer, listening to Hawaiian Gold and some Congolese party music, two lizards dancing on the tree next to me
cjh
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McCain and this Alaskan have chilled my September like a pair of feisty high speed, low IQ glaciers. Already this barely waning California summer had me dreading the coming days when the dark and cold take hold, and that was before the dynamic duo of Temper Johnny and the Arctic Fox united in arms against America.
This square-jawed, pageant runner-up of a vixen from American Siberia has been forced on us like an avalanche of nature clubbing, freedom thumping fertility, so I feel it's important to ask: What do we know about, and as a result of, this scary and tragic Veep pick?
1) John S. McCain, while independent maverick by propaganda, was given no choice with this pick. Of course, this is consistent with the overall choicelessness campaign theme that he's now stuck with via his lack of backbone and her God-fueled lack of care or concern for the lives of women and all mainlanders.
2) John S. McCain really wanted fellow maverick Joe Lieberman to join him for that unholiest of possible political pairings, but we don't think he sought this for the typical political reasons. We hear, in fact, that McCain's doctor thought the Lieb might be a good donor candidate for the skin grafts Johnny needs every six months when the melanoma revisits. What better way to get a man on your good side, after all, not to mention the golden opportunity to literalize bipartisanship: John S. McCain, Republican Presidential Nominee, short on face skin, shares ticket with Joey the Lieb, "Independent" douchebag with jowls like his face lost a bet with gravity.
3) The Democrats, unfortunately, DO speak over the heads of the American People. The American People, unfortunately, DO have low asses, so when those heads are in there, they're pretty low too, and easy to overshoot.
The Republicans, unfortunately, DO have it right when it comes to marketing. Animal yelps of "U-S-A" and "Country First," unfortunately, ARE perfectly hearable from inside an ass.
4) Slippery Sarah is apparently some sort of Alaskan Secession Sympathizer. Her world champion "snow machine" (is that right?) racer of a husband is pretty hot and heavy with this Alaskan Independence bullshit too - though, I don't know why I say "bullshit," since it's impossible for me to imagine anyone outside the ice box having the necessary passion or interest to drop the puck one way or another on this issue. Anyway, he and his goatee are pretty into it and she's a loyal supporter. Why care? I believe the powers behind that movement would like the American mainland to dance with Satan in hell's eternal fire if I understand them correctly.
5) You can see anger in McCain's eyes, and he likes his women that way too. I don't know about soul, but anger, now that you can see in the eyes. Johnny, Cindy and Sarah all suffer from the politically unfortunate inability to hide their angry motives from their crooked faces.
Look at Cindy when someone's interviewing her hubby and irrationally demanding impromptu verbal responses that are also coherent. Those journalists and their questions confuse John, and she gets mad like a good little protective younger second wife should.
Look at Sarah when someone - wait, we haven't had ANY access to her yet, but anyway, her eyes squinted with anger for about 60% of that speech the other night. And when they weren't, her nose took up the slack.
And finally, look at Johnny when he's forced by reporters and their damned desire for accuracy in rationale to distinguish between the different types of towelheads. He has bigger fish to fry than to worry about such subtle details - Muslim fish.
But McCain will contend, and the contest will be close, and we'll all live in fear. Why? Because evil and anger and rage, while all quite easily readable on a face, are not too easily seeable from inside the giant ass of the American People.
There's more, but I'm tired.
cjh
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